trains over planes

i knew it was time to leave Spain because i found myself getting

annoyed by how loud everyone was talking and how they formed a

massive clot in front of the check in desk.

i can't stand air travel. i'd rather travel four days and nights on

a train than two hours by plane.

noone was picky on the flight, they all devoured the awful sandwiches

they handed out- i didn't like that and found myself getting irritated with

the idea. maybe i was just overly looking forward to my lunch full of summer

cucumbers and pine nuts. i made a salad for myself last night,

something exactly like my father would do and i liked that.

i was able to read so i take this flight for that and made progress in my

new book, unlike i have been able to for the past few weeks.

i don't feel the winter warmth i felt last time with my arrival here in prague.

when you don't or can't leave the airport grounds you feel stuck and have

the sense that you could be anywhere.

the last time i arrived, Z was waiting for me in a room in an old chapel,

ready and waiting in winter boots with our sites and plans. i so fondly

remember this meeting and we always laugh when we tell the story.

the last time for someone over czech beer. our listener was amused

and found us emotional and wonderful in the endearing way we were.

we stammered on the crosswalk. when it was time to walk we keep up.

on and on. i have always loved that about us. stopped at crosswalks

when its time to walk. we have uncovered a great many mysteries in

these moments. and laughed at passengers in passing cars that give

us a view of the past in their front window frame. he urged us to move

forward and we remembered him and reeled him back into our web of

that moments vitality. he was smiling and i knew he felt easy.

his nervousness gone. a little drunk but calm and sure in that moment.

i wished to lay my hand on his face. sew my fingers to his clean jaw.

i was pleased to see him like this. he is at his best. and the week had

been difficult in ways i couldn't say then because i couldn't think.

for a long time i have been unable to uncover why i couldn't say it all.

the intensity shattered my thoughts. today i read...

'sometimes we reveal the most when we are least like ourselves...

you are like me, wishing for the perfect moment, but nothing too long

imagined can be perfect in a worldly way. neither one of us can say

just the right thing. we are overwhelmed.'

on the next plane. and i'm not sure if i'm actually prepared.

i'm reading and writing on the bag allocated for vomiting.

what am i doing, i just couldn't find anything else to write on. but had to.

czech airline tv is showing this crazy animal that is related to the

stegosaurus. this is the coolest animal i have ever seen, beside the leopard cat.

its elephant, zebra, small horse and bear all in one. it swims too.

why have i not seen this before? and what is it doing on czech airline tv?

and then surfing on tv. what i've give to be on a wave right now?

its like this preprogrammed airplane tv is playing my thoughts before i think them.

we land. euros for drams. get the visa. woah, i gotta get a police man hat.

in line for the stamp and the pass through. i'm too tired for this, its four am.

i don't know exactly what they are telling me but i get a few words and i know

the look of the temper. oh, this i've learned well. he doesn't like that i have an

armenian name and look armenian and can't say much in armenian.

he is saying some things and i know they aren't complements.

i grab the passport and know the most important lesson on my trip will need to

used in full effect in this moment.

i smile big, even though i'm exhausted and pretty sure i'm going to cry and

say thank you very much. in armenian.

this is arriving.